H*ll YES.

Momma might be growing up.

{Maybe.}

{Why am I calling myself ‘Momma’?}

My favorite things are still flame arms (my signature dance move), fake pearls, and brightly colored tights, but there are other signs that growth is happening: I’m starting to shrug my shoulders a little at rejection.  I’m starting to take for granted that there are going to be a few NO’s along the way.  Heck, I’m starting to get a little less excited when I get what I want and everything is feeling sunny.  I guess I’m realizing that I have to separate myself from the roller coaster of YES and NO, because it gets really exhausting.  And, the energy I was expending on getting worked up over rejection (jobs, grants, auditions, collaborators) was really, really self-defeating.  Because, for the most part, it’s out of my hands.  And, inevitably, some people aren’t going to jive with my plans.

It happened yesterday: I got disappointing news and, for a minute, I had that stupid, pointless conversation in my head that had something to do with ‘what’s the point?’ and so on and so forth.  Then I surprised myself: I woke up and tried again.  I got a ‘YES’ this time.

I’m not doing the football touchdown dance, because I’m starting to get the point: it doesn’t matter.  If I’m smart, I will show up and do the work, regardless of whether anyone else cares, or gives me a pat on the back, or a gold star, or thinks I’m brilliant.

I think this especially pertains to artists: just do the work.  I have the utmost compassion for my actor buddies, who are constantly auditioning.  Inevitably, they hear ‘NO’ a lot.  They wouldn’t get jobs without a lot of rejection along the way.  Becka Robinson writes about how we should all post a sheet on which we’ve written NO 100 times, and should cross them off as we experience them.  She says that ‘NO’ is a rite of passage, and- of course- along the way there will be an exciting amount of ‘YES!’.

It’s so true.  And, it’s so hard to remember.  But, I’m kind of excited about this way of existing, where I don’t have to flail my arms every time someone doesn’t want to jump on my ship.

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